I Believe. Truly, I Do
Admittedly, it’s been quite a long time since I’ve posted anything on the Rebel Blog. I took a long vacation, not entirely on purpose, because I wasn’t inspired to write anything. I kept thinking, what do the Rebel Christian readers need to read about? Nothing… nothing ever came to mind.
That is until now.
I thought I would discuss something that was somewhat of a personal story of my own faith—as are most of the posts here on The Rebel Christian. In the time since the last article, I’ve been doing a lot of searching. Honest searching, trying to find a purpose in my faith. Many times I thought, God’s forgotten about me. God doesn’t care about me. My purpose is so small I can’t even find it and if I did, I couldn’t complete it. I was dissatisfied and because I was dissatisfied, I became unhappy, in being unhappy, I grew restless in my faith.
One thing I learned through this experience was to hang on.
No matter how small you feel, how restless, how alone, it is always—always—worth it to just keep hanging on. What do you do when you’ve reached the end of the rope? Tie a knot and hang on. I can’t say that enough.
I don’t want to say that I found the ultimate answer to every prayer request ever, but I will say that Jesus knows what you need. I reached a point where I was truly broken and felt that I could not get any lower, any unhappier, any more dissatisfied with myself. At some time, I even wondered; is it worth it being Christian? What am I believing for if it turns out like this?
Those questions poisoned my mind but in the back of my head I always remembered this scripture;
“But He knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” Job 23:10 KJV
If you’ve ever felt any way similar to the way I described above, please think of this scripture. Whatever you are facing right now in life; a loss of employment, illness, a bad breakup, an unhappy marriage, family drama, even death. No matter what you are facing, you are there for a reason and, somehow, it will strengthen you and if you’re really blessed, it’ll strengthen others.
Looking back, if I hadn’t gone through that brief period of sadness, loneliness, and dissatisfaction, I would not be able to write and post this article now. I would not be able to share the testimony of how Christ pulled me out of that dark pit and placed my feet on solid ground. Before, I felt like something heavy was on my shoulders, constantly weighing me down until I couldn’t move another inch. Every day it got heavier, bigger, and clouded me. The shade grew, the weight increased, finally, I was broken. Every smile was forced, every word rehearsed, I’d given up on trying to find true joy in myself and others.
Now, I can laugh at my silliness. I feel like a total drama mama and the only thing that’s changed is my attitude. I believe in the One True God and my hope is in Him. I believe I’m a coheir with Christ and I will see the promises He’s made to me manifest in this lifetime—so very soon. I believe that there is nothing on this earth I will not see.
Yet, what’s right in front of me is the same that’s always been. I haven’t gotten a new job, a new job house, a new boyfriend. I am still the same person I was from the last post. Except now, now, I truly believe.